Going To Town
by Tailored4Dreams
Summary: Going into town, simple enough a task? Not for the Cullens!What crazy things could possible happen when vampires go shopping? Quite alot! My First Story, One Shot. Please R&R :D


_I have been instructed by Natalie, To Announce -Clears Throat- I Don't Own The Twilight Characters & Am Not Trying To Take Over The World (Just Yet) By Using Them To Manipulate Their Tiny Human Brains :P Never Have Never Will, (Though Me And Natalie At The Age Of 98, with the help of the girl in the canteen will by uninventing the t.v will). Well It Would Sould Like A Good Idea But The Getting Arrested.. Not So Much... Enjoy..._

Going to town – Simple enough a task, for any normal human being, with normal thoughts and normal reactions for perfectly normal things, but take four vampires, oh and a troubled human, and let them run wild in a shopping centre, there is going to be trouble, and probably a lot of clean up afterwards.

Things that could course confusion are:

The vampires themselves.

Jasper's obvious obsession with shoes and closet gayness that comes out some times, normally it's really REALLY hard to tell he's gay. Because knowing all of Madonna's albums in date release order can be knowledge any average vampire can have.

Alice's exaggerated movements it's not the least off putting when you're trying to buy a C.D.

Edwards's freaky mood swings, posh and moody are the new 'in' thing.

And Emmet... is just Emmett I don't think there needs to be and explanation

"Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz," Emmett gasped, doing jazz hands, for about the 100th time. "I think you have enough shoes," He stared at the 123 boxes that held the evil items and throw it a disgusting glare, as if it had done him a terrible wrong. Then he decided to sulk.

Meanwhile Jasper was sauntering around the shoe aisle, one hand on his hip and the other hovering over the different pairs of shoes. Emmett however had flopped on the floor and began playing with the only thing Jasper had allowed him to by, a children's alphabet toy. He giggled gleefully and clapped his hands. Jasper sighed at the sight of his brother being ecstatic about something that said 'Find the letter G' Rolling his eyes and sauntering off.

"Find the letter K," Said the woman's voice from Emmett's toy. Jasper was already about to purchase three more pairs of shoes,

"Emmy – Bear, Get your stuff we're going," Jasper declared making a bee-line for the till.

"Find the letter K," the voice repeated in a chipper tone. Emmett stared at the machine for about three minutes. Then his eye's filled with joy he pushed the button. "That is the letter A, Find the letter K," Emmett stared in amazement at the marvellous machine,

"It TALKS!" Cried Emmett.

"What about this one?" Suggested Alice, She and Bella had been convincing Edward which C.D. to buy for the last three hours; So far they had all drawn a blank.

"How bout this one?" pulling something random of the shelf, Bella said.

"You said about that one, roughly 2 hours, thirty three minutes and what... 29 seconds ago," Edward said frustrated at the small store's lack of good music. When he says small he means under round about a million. "Pathetic human memory," He tutted

"You could' a just said no," Muttered Bella replacing the discarded C.D.

"Your worse then Jasper, He may over do it a little with the shoes but he at least buys one," Alice said throwing her hands in the air and sighing, but this couldn't of been a simple task. She was one vampire that liked to exaggerate most movements, today she had chosen to draw out the sigh expressing her frustration, Making most passer by a little worried about a girl standing on her own sighing for about a minute, in the mean time Bella and Edward had ran and were now hiding behind the badge rack.

"Goodness your so embarrassing," Alice said once she found their hiding place and exaggerated the flicking of you hair.

"Talk about pot calling the kettle black," muttered Bella

"I think you have a muttering problem," Alice stated.

"Talk about problems" She muttered again

"Again with the muttering," Alice repeated

"Again with you problems," Bella muttered.

"What problems could I," She emphasized the I, "Possibly," And that word too "have!" Alice said hand on her hip leaning over Bella.

Bella was stunned to see Alice angry; she was annoying, but never any other emotion beginning with 'A', well maybe anxious, but the main point of this is she was never really angry, well there was that one time when Bella's dress ripped oh and that other time with the shoes SHOES! But this was the first time in public. Well... Okay she was just pretty angry.

"Well, it's plainly obvious that Jasper... Well," She rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment,

"Hhhmmmmm?" She asked, tapping her shoe in impatience, waiting for a reply, keeping up the repetitive rhythm, click, click, click... click, click, and click. Again with the irritating

"That Jasper is gay!" Bella exclaimed, which all three had them doing already, alarmed more shoppers. Meanwhile Edward was dancing to night fever whilst trying out a C.D. getting all the lyrics wrong, in the corner.

"Jasper, Gay?" She stood there stunned. For about a minute, Bella was shooting Edward evils looks as if to say Well-I-Told-Her-You-Do-Something! But as usual Bella is no good at anything and Edward stared at her for he was interpreting The-Sun-Is-In-My-Eyes-Whilst-Eating-A-Banana.

Then all of a sudden she burst out laughing, Leaning over and slapping her leg. "That's a good one," She laughed.

"It's no joke, any man that knows the difference between lipstick and lipgloss, who also needs a shopping trip to feel better and someone who has been buying shoes for the past FOUR hours, Obviously MUST.BE.GAY!" Shouted Bella, as she finished this and was just regaining her breath she swore she heard someone go pass saying 'Issues'

"Well, Well, Well," Alice Stammered

"That'll be five eight two, I turned around to my wife and said, How much have you got on you?" Edward broke in the conversation singing in a high soprano voice, the words to the Drive Thru.

"She just rolls her eyes and says "I'll pay for this, I guess." So she reaches into her purse and busts out the American Express," Sang Bella. Meanwhile Alice stood back aghast, the other two carried on dancing, acting out the song and doing jazz hands. Alice coughed to get there attention, the stopped mid – dance and stared at her.

"What?" Asked Edward.

Alice waved her hands around and they saw all the saw everyone in the store and many outside were staring at them, even a human could hear a pin drop.

"Oh," they both said in unison.

All the vampires, and that odd human that always seemed to tag along finally met up after an exhausting, for that weird human, seven hours of shopping and the had decided to Re- group as Emmett announced and said they should all set there watches but they had walked off. He still set his Bob the builder one

"Have Fun?" Asked Alice, When Jasper, sauntered over, with Emmett following still looking for the letter K, to where the other three waited.

"Hasn't it just been a smashing afternoon," Edward announced, Bella elbowed him in the ribs

"You're doing it again," She muttered to him

"What?" He said in a posh English accent, "Oh that, Yeah bruv it's been all like blipping and bopping around the clock," He said all gangster like.

"It would be if I knew what the letter K looked like," Emmett said, head hung in defeat,

Bella leaned over and pressed the letter k,

"Well done, after 4567 attempts you got the letter k," Announced Emmett's toy, he clapped his hands in joy, Then saw three girls walking by and stopped and looked towards the ceiling.

"Jasper," Alice chirruped up, "I think we need to talk," She said gravely,

"You didn't use my ravishing scarlet nail polish again?" He said clasping his chest, waiting for her answer.

"No," He let out a large amount of air and let his hand fall back onto his hip

"It's about how you, you know act,"

"Oh, oh, OH! Did you think my acting was the worst? I've been practicing for the auditions for Romeo and Juliet; I was trying for Juliet,"

"No, you acting gay'ly," She said blatantly Rolling her eyes

"What, Jazz," Emmett was standing to the side doing jazz hands "Preferring the male species? I highly doubt that!" Edward said, Bella unsuccessfully elbowing him again.

"Exactly what Eddy said, minus I speak in 21st Century speak," Jasper giggled "Oh I have to show you this delicious pair of pink pumps, there fabulous," He exclaimed rummaging through all the different shopping bag he had acquired.

"DELICIOUS! PINK! FABULOUS!" Screeched Alice "That's it Jazz," Emmett standing at the side did jazz hands "You have to tell me the truth or I will use Emmett as a battering ram,"

"Jazz," Emmett stage – whispered to Jasper, whilst doing jazz hands, "Don't choose the last one, its sounds scary,"

"Okay," Jasper said flicking his non – existent hair. "Alice, I Just really like shoes," SHOES! Jasper admitted,

"Well, well, well," Alice stammered.

"That'll be five eight two, I turned around to my wife and said, How much have you got on you?" Edward sang.

"She just rolls her eyes and says "I'll pay for this, I guess." So she reaches into her purse and busts out the American Express," Bella joined in again.

Slowly one by one the three other Cullens slowly backed away. Leaving Bella and Edward dancing and singing for about half an hour.

As the got into there car, and strapped Emmett into his booster seat, Jasper started the engine, and in the distance Alice heard Edward say

"Hey where'd they go?"


End file.
